you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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