just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
