we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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