No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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