is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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