Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
