we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
