i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
