My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
