i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
