I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
