Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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