I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
