Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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