I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
