I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
