His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
