i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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