it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
