Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
