My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I deserve this hangover.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
