you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
