it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
