if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
