I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
