like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
