Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
