hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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