i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want to fling myself into the sun
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
