Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hippo gnu deer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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