between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
