i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
