Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
