she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
