i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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