everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
