the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
