I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
