I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I would fuck him just for his dog
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
