she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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