My Higher Power is John Stamos
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
