There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
