Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
