All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
