He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
