I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
