I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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