I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
