Define "chronic" masturbator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
