i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
