If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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