he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
