No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
