Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
