can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Randomize
