I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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